Realizations And Resolutions From 2009

At the close of every year, I often find myself sitting on a couch in my living room facing the few remaining hours of the year. And it’s at turning points like those that make me stop, look, and listen…

One of the first (and come to think of it, inconsequential) things I think about is how everyone else was celebrating their New Year. Some were at home with their families. Some were at home with their friends. Some were home with their lovers. Some were out with their families. Some were out with their friends. Some were out with their lovers. Everyone was spending it with at least someone, just the way it’s meant to be. And even me, I chose to celebrate New Year’s a little differently this year. For the first time I spent it out, with two of my closest friends and hundreds of strangers. But that’s where I learned my first (and come to think of it, inconsequential) lesson of the New Year:

There’s no such thing as a perfect New Year’s!

Why? Because you can’t be with everyone you want to be with. I also wanted to be with my family, my (other) friends, and my lover (who is currently nonexistent, but that’s not the point)…

So, back to the point I started with: This New Year’s, I was not sitting on a couch in my living room facing the few remaining hours of the year. And because of that, I didn’t have my vintage pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to keyboard) moment to jolt down my realizations and resolutions…

For the past couple of years, I’d set pretty much the same goals: waste less time online, study more (this is the first year I get to tick that off the list!), enjoy life more, yada yada yada… But this year, I wanted to be more specific, I wanted to think of more detailed resolutions for 2010. So, a little over two weeks later, this is it:

Last year, I put Prayer and the attempt to be closer to my religion, and to God. I definitely fell short in terms of prayer, and that’s why I’m putting it in again this year, because I plan on reestablishing a good connection. But in terms of religion, and closeness with God, I can definitely say that I’ve felt tighter. I’m more spiritual, I believe. I’ve been attending religious lectures on a bimonthly basis, and I plan on continuing to do so. I believe this year I’ve been blessed with more than I could have asked for, and I thank God everyday. Because He’s what comes first and foremost to me…

Family. The difference between family and friends is the fact that Family is constant, it doesn’t change. From the day you are born to the day you die, your family is there, whether you like it or not. Luckily, I’ve been blessed with a beautiful family. Two wonderful parents, a wonderful brother, a wonderful grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, aunt’s husbands, uncle’s wives, I wouldn’t change a member for the world. And that’s a blessing I’ll always count…

Friends. Here’s where it gets a little more complicated, at least to me. I grew up and spent time in a lot of different places, and because of that, I’ve met a lot a lot of different people. Some stayed just that, people I’ve met. Some because acquaintances, some became friends, and some became best friends. But I always had my groups. When I was in school, my favorite friends were my school friends. But time separated us, and when I was in university, my favorite friends changed to my university friends (esp Daniel and Nadine, who will forever be among my favorites). During my summer internship I met a girl who was my favorite person for a good year and a half before she moved to Bahrain. I then joined Toastmasters and my favorite people were several of the members. I then started work and I have favorite people there too. My point is, the people you care most about change depending on who sticks. And what I’ve learned from that is this: love the people you have (right here, right now) with all your heart, because you can, because they’re there, because they won’t always be. And through these transitions, I’ve learned a second important lesson:

School and University and Work are three different worlds. And the people of each of those three worlds come in all shapes and sizes. See at school, you’re presented with a small bundle of girls and boys and from them you get to pick your favorites to be friends. Some will stick with you through university and some will fade. At university, you’re not presented with a small bundle but a big bundle, and you pick the best. And at work, well, I’ve been taught that you go to work to work, not to make friends. Despite that lesson though, I’ve made some good friends (I’d like to think ;-). Likewise, I’ve met some downright shitfaced people in life (though they’re extremely few). This brings me to the third lesson I’ve learned in this respect:

No matter how good you are, not everyone is going to like you. Likewise, you don’t have to like everyone. You don’t. I guess at this point in my life, I know more people than I care to be real friends with. I always respect and am as kind and considerate as I can be with everyone I cross paths with. But at the end of the day, I know whose company I really enjoy. You know whose company you really enjoy. You know it because of that feel good feeling you get from being with them. And it’s those people that are worth sticking with…

I say I want to be more independent. I’m not sure what I mean exactly when I say that, but I think in way, it could start with me being more physically healthy, eating right, learning to cook. As of last year, I can make three foods with perfection: Pancakes, Macaroni, and… and… ok, two foods. This year, I opt to learn more. Next,

Work. Last year, I finally got my first real job. It’s not in the city or the major I initially chose, but I guess that’s where all great stories are created (and so far, so good! ;-). My resolutions for work? I want to be like a sponge and soak up everything I can. Additionally, I want to research and teach myself to understand, read, and follow the stock market. Maybe even invest. I always hear the words of AUB’s ex-president, Mr. John Waterbury saying: “Try to make wherever you go and whatever you do a little better than what you found or started…” And those words go a long way in my books…

After work comes Toastmasters. In Toastmasters, the club that I’ve been a part of for almost a year an a half now, I want to keep believing in its mission, especially for my beloved city, Tripoli. I want complete my Competent Communicator & Leadership Manuals by May 2010. I want to run for, get elected, and serve as a club Treasurer during this third season of LoudSpeakers. And hopefully, if I follow through, I’d like to take on a more demanding officer role for the fourth season in June 2010…

So far, I’ve talked about my relationships with the world. So now it’s time I start talking about my relationship with myself, and that’s something that should never be underestimated:

If there’s one thing I’m looking forward to this year, it’s a Vacation. Ever since I’ve started work in March of last year, I’ve been stripped of personal days off. The only breaks I’ve had last year were those that involved official holidays like Easter, Eid, Independence Day, and Christmas. Come March of this year, I’ll have been working for a year and will then be entitled to a break. And in this break, I’d like number one: personal rest at home. And number two: trips. Within Lebanon, I’d like to go to cities or villages I’ve never visited. Lebanon is a haven, and there are such places to be discovered. I also want to go to the snow, either Cedars or Faraya. I haven’t been to the snow in years. And finally in my break, I want to travel abroad, with my friends, to a place I’ve never been. I’d love to visit the Far East, Malaysia or Thailand. Europe would be a second option, Germany or Italy. Or Greece…

Writing. If I had to choose one word to define me, “writing” would be it. In the second half of 2009, I lost it. And by “it”, I mean words. I ran out of ink and enthusiasm and it crushed me. Because to me, writing is important. And it comes in many forms. First, it comes in the form of blogging. Second, it comes in the form of poetry. And third, it comes in the form of a book. See I used to blog (www.sunkentreasure.blogspot.com) but then I disconnected, I used to write poems but words have failed me, and I used to write for my book, but again, words have failed me. This is the year I hope to find my words again. Not long ago, I started a new blog (www.nourspot.blogspot.com), and I hope to write poetry again and go back to the Poetry Club in Cava Minos for inspiration again. I also hope to at least finish the outline of the book I plan on publishing one day in my twenties…

Photography. At a close second to writing, comes photography. To me, my camera comes before my cell phone, my laptop, and my car. And that’s saying something. Every time I hold a camera, I feel like I have the world at my fingertips. It captures the moments; it brings me closer to little bits of life. I remember with the first paycheck of my first summer internship in 2007, I bought a Sony Cyber-Shot W55 and I’ve had it ever since. But for quite a while now, I’ve been thinking of taking it to the next level with photography. That’s right, I’ve been thinking of investing in a DSLR Camera, one of the big boys. I’ve been researching several Canon and Nikon offers, and as soon as I pick a winner, I’m taking the plunge. I want to pursue this passion...

I said I wanted to Read more. Last year, I read all four books of “The Twilight Saga”, and among the other three books I can remember, “Who Moved My Cheese?”, “Eat Pray Love”, and “I, The Divine”. And I’ve got a load of unread books resting on my bookshelf. So let’s write down the titles of books I should have read by this time next year: “Anne Frank: The Diary of A Young Girl”, “Angela’s Ashes”, “Sophie’s World”, “The Pelican Brief”, “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings”, “The Shining”, “The Mysterious Island”, “The Professor”, and “Pride and Prejudice”. Oh, and the unofficial “Midnight Sun”…

Writing, Photography, and Reading. Those three things really put smiles on my face and I think it’s because they take me to other worlds. And that’s also why I need to be careful, not to spend too much time in those “other worlds”. I want to be more open to what’s going on in the real world around me, in terms of World News, Politics, I definitely need to be less ignorant in such matters…

You know I’ve always been a dreamer. An extreme dreamer, like I dream of travelling the world, moving to British Columbia, studying Marine Biology researching the cetaceans of the sea, playing the electric guitar, finding the love of my life, and I guess the idealist in me would say that I can do all of that. But then you’ve got your realistic dreams. Like I dream about finishing my MBA, PHd, I don’t know how far ahead I can dream but I’d like to make a final point: See at one point, we grow up and we grow realistic. I think it’s that time for me now, and we draw a line between what we really can do and what we really can’t. I’ve thought long and hard about my resolutions, careful not to go to extremes. And I believe I am capable of following through. You know, I think just by writing this I’ve already started fulfilling a part of my resolution to write more (I hope I don’t jinx myself, though!). And I hope I can make a difference this year, I really want to be the best that I can be, in a more grown up kind of way. I also want it to be my year of acceptance, of more love, and of more life… and a Happy New Year to the world! :-)